Fed Up with the Army, and Treating Officers as Ladies

Tom: I had some lame-brain corporal, he got me up against the post at attention, and he got right up in my face, and he balled me out. [laughter]

But just right in my face. And today I know exactly what they’re doing — just training you to take orders. But I resented it then, very much so.

But in doing it all, and so I decided if I wanted to get transferred, go to the biggest man there is. So the commanding general for the service command was in the fourth story post office building in downtown Atlanta. I said “well he’s the biggest man, and I’ll go to the biggest man, so I’ll go to him.” And that’s breaking about every rule there is.

So I got on the elevator at the post office, and went up to the fourth floor and got off, and I hadn’t taken ten steps and a warrant officer named Goboro, he stopped me and said “private, you got off that elevator in front of some officers.” I said “well, I want to come to this floor and they were just standing there so I got off.” He said “you don’t get off an elevator ahead of the officers, you let them off.” I said “well hold on, how am I supposed to know that?”

And he was just as nice as he could be about it. He said “well, let me tell you this. The best way to know how to conduct yourself around officers is to treat them as if they were ladies.” I said “well, that makes sense.” He said “now what are you doing up here in the first place?” And I told him. He said “I don’t believe I would do that.” He said “well, what can you do?” I said I was an attorney, and had experience as an appraiser with real estate work. He said “well listen, can you type?” I said “I can type 36 words a minute.” He said “well, let me see you do that.” And I noticed he wasn’t timing me, so I made real sure I wasn’t making a mistake. I handed it back to him and he said “Where you stationed?” I said “down in Pensacola, Florida.” He said “give me some information,” so I gave him everything he asked for. He said “now go back down there, don’t say a word about where you’ve been, just be quiet about it.”

I got a notice to be transferred to Atlanta. And my CO said “what’s this all about, I never heard such a thing as this?” And I said “I don’t know.” He said “All I see is it just says transfer.” So I took off for Atlanta. I got up there thinking they were going to put me back to typing, but they put me back there in the file room. So I’m filing all these letters.

And I noticed two officers standing there talking, and I noticed one of them was getting a divorce. So he said “on the grounds of so-and-so…” which was not a grounds in Georgia law…

And he said “well, what is?” So I named the grounds for divorce and he said “How do you know all that?” I said “well, I was practicing law about two or three weeks ago.” He said “well, what are you doing back here filing letters?” I said “that’s where they put me.” He said “come on, go with me.” He was just as nice as he could be. And so he said “we’re going to get you in OCS.” I said “well now, what’s the catch to that?” He said “well, you have to sign up for three years.” I said “I don’t want that.”

He took me down — that’s when I ran into Asa Candler, who was the nephew of the fellow that my daddy used to work with. But through him, and he’d been out on the farm, and I knew him. And he was in charge of the Army Intelligence. And so I walked in, recognized him, he recognized me, he said “what are you doing here?” I said “I’m looking for a job I guess.” He said “well, you got it.” So they put me to work doing undercover work.